Dormire tra le braccia della Madonna

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Dormire tra le braccia della Madonna

(Sleeping in the arms of the Madonna)

“Deserve your dream.”

-Octavio Paz

Do you have a dream that is unfulfilled as yet? A wish to be somewhere other than where you are right now?

I will tell you that I have been dreaming of this life for a long time. Years, in fact.

In 2013, I sold most everything I owned, putting the rest in long-term storage where it has been waiting patiently for the chance to be loaded onto a cargo ship and delivered to what I imagined would be my “forever home” overseas. It was a dream. But a dream that I have pursued now for 7 years, through a lot of challenges and mis-steps and unexpected events.

I could have given up many times.

But this dream would not let go of me. And through it, I have learned a lot about myself.

First, dreams are important for living a full and rich life.

Rich in the sense of experiences that shape our offering to the world we live in. As the character, Bloody Mary, sings in the film South Pacific, “You’ve got to have a dream…if you don’t have a dream…how you gonna make that dream come true?” Bloody Mary knew what she was talking about, even if she was guilty of eating too many carbs.

I am reminded of some of the other dreams I have had over the years, specifically the dream of wanting to be in the circus. It wouldn’t have mattered to me at ALL what I would be doing there…I just wanted to be in a circus environment, where the animals and people all traveled together. When all the other students in my graduating class were applying for university, I only sent away for the application to the Barnum & Bailey Clown School.

But here’s the sad and ugly truth: I was too afraid to fill it out and send it in. Fear is a dream killer. If you are afraid that you are not big enough, smart enough, talented enough, whatever your personal “not enough” is, BANISH IT from your thoughts today! Easier said than done, I admit, but still worth the effort.

As synchronicity would have it, I wound up rooming with a gal in college (my Mom had actually applied for me, unbeknownst to me at the time) whose uncle was the resident pastor for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, and SHE had been able to attend clown school because of her affiliation! WOW! Can you spell synchronicity?

So DID I wind up in the circus? Not exactly. But I look at the various parts of my life over the last many years, and I can definitely tell you that my own life has been a circus of sorts. And that’s okay by me. I can juggle a lot of things; I’ve lived with a lot of wonderful animals; and many people have traveled with me over the years, some more clowns than others.

Second, your dream is your dream.

It doesn’t have to match anyone else’s plan for you and you don’t need to prove it’s a good enough dream to anyone.

I come from a family of engineers. I myself am not an engineer. I am an artist. I have been ever since I started coloring the embossed edges of paper napkins on the front porch of our house as a kid. Maybe even before that. Clarisa Pinkola Estes,  Jungian psychologist and contadora (keeper of the old stories) says “An artist is an artist long before she ever picks up a brush.” But as many artists heard growing up, I needed to “get a real job.” And so, for the times that I was in university, I was constantly attempting to pick a field that would impress my family. There were many. Ultimately, I had the good fortune to have a guidance counselor who told me, “Lisa, just give it a working title…something like “Art and Identity.” Wow, permission is a wonderful guiding tool! Give yourself the permission to have the dream that you dream for yourself! If you are fearful of such a step, today I am giving you the permission. Grab it and run with it.

Now, as to the Madonna pictured above…Filippo Lippi is one of my favorite artists, and this is a part of one of his paintings. A year ago, when I first saw this little house in Contignano, I was enchanted by the headboard of this bed. “Would the owner sell the bed with the house?” “No, his sister would never let the bed go; she wanted it.”

A year passed. The house was empty when I saw it again last November. A conversation ensued regarding a possible rental agreement. And this month, I moved in. The bed was still there, along with Lippi’s Madonna.

I feel truly blessed to be sleeping under her tender gaze every night. The dream is alive and magic, as they say, is afoot.

Buona notte! Sogni d’oro! (Good night! Dreams of gold!)